Hunter Biden Announces Launch of $100K Per Cup Lemonade Stand on White House Lawn
July 14, 2021 (3w ago)

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Hunter Biden opened his very own lemonade stand on the White House front lawn Wednesday morning, citing a need for extra pocket change and a congenital passion for entrepreneurship.

“Business has always been my number-one passion in life,” Biden said. “Well, after having sex with my brother’s widow and then cheating on her with a stripper while doing tons of cocaine. That was always my top passion. But business is a close second.”

The lemonade comes in pink, cherry, and strawberry pomegranate flavors.

“No yellow,” Hunter explained.

But Hunter isn’t just shaking up the D.C. beverage market with his flavor choices. While the typical lemonade stand fare will cost a thirsty patron 25 cents, or a dollar in a nicer neighborhood, the First Son’s lemonade will sell for slightly more, at $100,000 per glass.

The figure may seem high. But if any businessman has the charm and talent to make it work, it’s Hunter Biden, the man who once got a Chinese energy executive to give him a 2.5-carat diamond just from the kindness of his heart.

While Republican lawmakers have suggested, without evidence, that a six figure sum for a single glass of lemonade is rather high, respected Ukrainian businessman Mykola Vladislavovich Zlochevsky, founder of Burisma and a former associate of Biden’s, said the price sounded reasonable.

“Truthfully, Biden’s world-class expertise in combating corruption is only half the reason we paid him $50,000 per month to serve on Burisma’s board,” said Zlochevsky. “Really, it was his prodigious talent for perfectly balancing tap water and Country Time drink mix from the local Safeway.”

Chinese billionaire Chung Chin Wei agreed, saying he hoped to buy five, ten, or even a hundred glasses of Hunter’s concoction.

“When I first drink Hunter lemonade, I feel spasm of ecstasy down spine,” said Wei. “No sum is too great for this nectar of the gods.”

Republicans have groundlessly labeled praise of Hunter’s prized lemonade an effort to curry favor, but Democrats in Congress are giving the Biden brew their endorsement.

“What can I say, it’s great stuff,” said Sen. Chris Coons of Delaware. “Don’t tell everyone, but I’d be willing to give Hunter a night with my wife, or even my daughter, to have a steady supply.”

White House press secretary Jen Psaki explained that, to prevent corruption, everybody buying a lemonade would have to wear a paper bag over his or her head.

“The President’s son has a right to earn a living, whether it’s by serving on corporate boards in fields he has no background in, selling paintings for $500,000 after two years of practice, or dumping 10 cents of drink mix into a cup and then selling it at a one hundred million percent markup,” Psaki said. “I would hope that Republicans, as believers in the free market, would understand that.”

Psaki also dismissed concerns about a gigantic tip jar on the lemonade stand, labeled “for the Big Guy.”

Already, Biden’s lemonade stand has been the target of disinformation attacks linked to the Kremlin. Facebook has banned users from posting, or even linking privately to, a viral video suggesting that Hunter Biden may not wash his hands in the bathroom before returning to the stand. Twitter, meanwhile, has blacked out a New York Post article that claims text messages found on Hunter Biden’s laptop indicate the secret to his lemonade’s appeal is trace (or not so trace) amounts of crack cocaine. The stories were blocked after more than fifty intelligence veterans signed a letter saying that, while they hadn’t actually looked at the evidence, they were pretty sure it was just some Russian scheme to defame the president and his incredibly gifted son.

FBI Director Christopher Wray assured Americans they have nothing to fear.

“Make no mistake, we are well aware of Hunter Biden’s $100,000 lemonade stand, and we have already assigned a full-time 12-agent team to investigate criminal misinformation about this stand,” said Wray. The director encouraged Americans to watch for warning signs of violent radicalization, such as mixing Kool-Aid instead of lemonade at the next family barbecue.

Hunter says this won’t be his last business venture. Once Washington’s thirst has been satiated, he hopes to move on to offering food.

“I was thinking I might open a pizza place,” Hunter said. “Kids love pizza!”

Hello, “Fact Checker” dorks. This piece is obviously satire.

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Guest
19 days ago

"Hello, “Fact Checker” dorks. This piece is obviously satire."

The fact checkers aren't going to read more two sentences before they give you a fact check: false. After that, the rest of the media will label the website as part of the disinformation ecosystem, subtlety insinuating to your webhost they wouldn't be upset if they no longer provide their services to you.

Guest
19 days ago

It's one thing to ridicule power and thereby knock it down a peg, but this satire manages only to demonstrate our powerlessness. Not funny, just true

Guest
13 days ago

Can you do any better, hun?

Guest
19 days ago

Agreed- send it to Genesius Times!

Guest
19 days ago

The BIG guy says “Keep squeezing those Lemons Son!”

Guest
19 days ago

Satire might be more welcome in a time when they weren't already ripping the country down with weirder-than-satire actions which nobody would have even bought in fiction form 10 years ago.

Guest
19 days ago

Blatantly hilarious, and accurate, right down to the Biden clan preoccupation with pizza pedophilia.

Guest
19 days ago

Great! Hahahaa… 😂🤣

Guest
19 days ago

In reality his father and his cronies are offering Jim Jones' Kool-Aid to Americans for free.

Guest
18 days ago

The problem is that Chinese cyanide has tripled in cost in the last 30 days!
What's this world coming to?

Guest
18 days ago

What kind of cut does the big guy get this time? Will they be able to get a tax deduction because it's being held on the White House lawn?

Guest
18 days ago

If you ask for a cup in Mandarin do you get any kind of discount?

Guest
18 days ago

Will little girl customers be safe from hair sniffing if old Joe comes down to taste some?

Guest
18 days ago

LOL 😆

Guest
18 days ago

The whole Biden family is so weird and so abnormal that this actually doesn't seem like satire. 😉

Guest
18 days ago

Taste some what? 😆

Guest
17 days ago

Corruption. Even the lemonade will taste corrupt. Everything about the Biden family is corrupt.

Guest
17 days ago

Amen.

Guest
16 days ago

Lol

Guest
13 days ago

I want to taste nothing the Biden family is selling!

Guest
18 days ago

Will the Pope show up and insist it shouldn't be lemonade Hunter sells, but rather wine instead?

Guest
12 days ago

I would actually show up to see that! 😄

Guest
18 days ago

Just a little to 'wet his beak'.

Guest
16 days ago

A big one. Get it? A big one. 😂

Guest
14 days ago

Too funny.

Guest
12 days ago

I wish every exclusive was this funny.

Arlene Kara
18 days ago

It's sad when you can't discern if it's true or not.

Guest
18 days ago

Lemonade stand? Still doing everything to attract the kids…

Guest
18 days ago

In your face criminal activity in every nook and cranny.

Guest
18 days ago

Biden and the democrats are giving everyone the finger.

Guest
18 days ago

Is Pedo Joe getting a cut?

Guest
18 days ago

Babylon Bee

Wolfman Jack
18 days ago

Great article. My favorite part "While Republicans lawmakers have suggested, without evidence, that a six figured sum is rather high for a glass of lemonade…."

bullfish
18 days ago

Move over BB 👍😂

Guest
18 days ago

Brilliant! Thank you for the laugh. I believe we should give Hunter a mission to South Africa to sell his "lemonade" to the thirsty rebels tired from a long day of dispatching all the productive people of their society. Perhaps they'll have more than one glass!

Bwaahaahaa
18 days ago

And I thought this was the Babylon Bee.

Guest
18 days ago

Naw, the Babylon Bee is funnier.

HelloHello
18 days ago

LOVED IT! This as good as the book "Catch 22", satire so real to where it is depressing.

johnnyboy3
18 days ago

Sad when we can't tell fact from fiction. This obviously is a true story by the presence of the tip jar

Guest
18 days ago

Revolver has got to stop giving Hunter these types of ideas. Frankly, it's a game changer, no awkward exchange of money for the Big Guy. He simply stops by with an empty briefcase and takes his cut straight off the top, goes back into the White House, squirrels it away and goes back to sleep.

I love it when a plan can come together like this!

Guest
18 days ago

Joe China floated the 50K from Burismo for his son Hunter China. It was really 83K monthly from Burismo. At time it was over 100K for his overtime work.,

Guest
18 days ago

The level of Corruption and Grift within our Government has never been worse than it is today – They deserve a lightning bolt from the heavens for their CRIMES against America’s Citizenry and The Constitution itself and that is not Satire nor Hyperbole!

Guest
18 days ago

If only it were satire. This is too close to the truth.

Guest
18 days ago

Won't be long before Hunter switches to Kool Aid

Guest
18 days ago

The pizzas will be done with parmesan cheese Hunter pick up from the floor.

Guest
18 days ago

You says it's satire, but it sounds to good not to be true.

Guest
18 days ago

Satire articles are such a waste of time🙄
It only serves to make you less reputable.

Guest
17 days ago

He's already less reputable building a Worship Tucker Carlson web site. Nauseating.

Guest
18 days ago

Once again, the people have been mercifully left out of the details. All the proceeds go to rehabilitating Dr. Emreritus Jill Biden's brothell and burger joint employees. The Biden Butt Burgers go for $250,000 each but, again all proceeds go to charity. Biden has already obtained a 501(c)(3) and all profits (of which there are none) are non-taxible.

Guest
18 days ago

UM ! That wasn't lemon aid you drank ?! It was Hunters Pee !

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