In the wake of the terrible Afghanistan suicide bombing that ripped through the Abbey Gate of the Kabul Airport killing 13 heroic US soldiers, one brave liberal magazine was asking all of the right questions.
While many vets are being outed as far-right extremists, one branch keeps popping up when it comes to neo-Nazis: The United States Marine Corps. https://t.co/McpwdD0g8M
— VICE News (@VICENews) August 26, 2021
Now, obviously Vice Magazine had this piece ready to publish before the suicide bombs hit Kabul. After all, a piece of investigative journalism this riveting and ground-breaking is many months, if not years, in the making.
How many neo-Nazis did Vice report were found to be serving in the US Marines? Vice reported that sixteen currently serving Marines over the past three years were allegedly either neo-Nazis or vaguely labeled as “extremists”. A further seven former Marines over the past three years, Vice reported, identified with either neo-Nazism or the so-called “extreme right” — another vague charge Vice likes to slap on people it doesn’t like.
Over the past three years, at least seven former Marines have openly avowed or been identified with neo-Nazism or the extreme right, with some alleged to have been involved in planned terrorist acts. The Corps reported to NPR in April that it had, in the past three years alone, found 16 cases of extremism within its ranks. Though these numbers account for only a tiny fraction of those Marines who enlist and serve [ed. note: lol], the problem is worth noting, especially given the USMC’s past.
That’s right folks. More than five “neo-Nazis” or “extremists” per year. And more than two former Marines per year. Over a three year period. Out of 186,000 active duty Marines, and 102,000 reserves. In other words, Vice’s intrepid journalism revealed that 0.00860215% of active duty Marines were reportedly tagged as either neo-Nazis or “extremists.” And given that there are millions and millions of former Marines, an even more infinitesimal percentage of ex-Marines were reportedly neo-Nazis or “extremists”.
This is why the world needs Vice News. Without Vice News, how would we know that one out of every 12,000 active duty Marines is an “extremist”?
But Vice News doesn’t just do groundbreaking, expensive, longform investigative journalism. Vice News also provides America with the steaming hot liberal takes it needs in the wake of terrible tragedies.
Vice’s latest headline after the Kabul suicide bombing really made us at Revolver think. Naturally, we were all ready to mourn our brave fallen heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice while bravely manning their posts trying to evacuate the vulnerable and innocent, but sometimes our natural instincts are not the correct, woke instincts we should be having. Here’s what Vice News had to say after Kabul:
Those 13 US Soldiers Who Died In Afghanistan Were Probably White Supremacists*
Headlines like these are why we’re grateful for the work and emotional labor that Vice does to educate us on our ignorant, bigoted ways, and raise awareness of our own prejudices, biases, and implicit racism, sexism, white supremacy, homophobia, transphobia, and BIPOCphobia.
Vice Magazine demanded that the Joe Biden administration provide the American people with answers to a list of questions on just how problematic those soldiers might have been while they were alive.
Until these answers can be resolved, Vice Magazine wisely cautioned Americans against mourning the deaths of these 13 soldiers, or any other military casualties for that matter.
Vice President Joe Biden, wary of sinking poll numbers and of shoring up his base of support with the progressive left, promised to get to the bottom of Vice Mag’s questions.
Biden’s Chief of Staff Ron Klain liked the tweet that the Vice News twitter account sent out with a link to the article.
When asked about the Vice article by a White House reporter, Kamala Harris cackled knowingly, but did not stop to answer any questions.
General Mark Milley promised Vice that he would delve into the question of whether or not the “white rage” of the 13 soldiers could have provoked Afghans into suicide-bombing them, and promised to consult with his trusted scholar-adviser Ibram X. Kendi to find answers.
General Lloyd Austin expressed empathy with the suicide bombers “as a fellow person of color (POC),” noting that “I too have shuddered under the oppression of the racist white glares and toxic male stares of countless service members.”
Austin further promised to continue to “do the work” and “perform the emotional labor” of ridding the Armed Forces of all vestiges of whiteness and toxic masculinity so as not provoke any more Afghan suicide bombers.
Thanks to the intrepid reporting of Vice News and the incredibly receptive and positive response of the Biden Administration to Vice Magazine’s inquiries, Americans of all stripes and pronouns can rest easy knowing that the adults are now truly and fully, in charge.
*SATIRE ALERT: Obviously not an actual Vice headline.
In case it wasn’t obvious, this piece is obviously satire, but, to their shame, the first above-linked Vice piece wasn’t. Revolver News urges you to join us in prayer for the eternal rest of our fallen heroes and peace and healing for their grieving families.
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