Kevin Dahlstrom

Follow @Camp4

Feb 15 • 35 tweets • 7 min read

Ignore the hustle porn.

You don't have to sacrifice your health, family, or happiness to crush your career.

You can make it all work without feeling tapped out.

Here's how...

(WARNING: Mega-🧵 with unpopular takes)

1️⃣Don’t wait for someday.

We’ve all been guilty of what I call “someday thinking”:

"Once the kids are older...

Once I get that big promotion...

Once my net worth is $X...

THEN I'll build a great life."

It’s a lie. That big goal on the horizon is a mirage.

Because…

Someday never comes.

Life never gets easier, the challenges just change. Don’t kick the can down the road—build a great life now & play the long game.

Over time you'll achieve more and you’ll be immeasurably happier along the way.

The first step is to:

2️⃣Define your ambition

Most of us associate ambition with career. But that’s a narrow (and UN-ambitious) way to define it.

The Oxford dictionary defines ambition as:

"a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work."

🎯Ambition is like an arrow—it's aimed at *something*.

What is YOUR something?

Few people take the time to aim their arrow by searching their soul and defining their desired “end state” lifestyle. Instead they just plod forward with a vague sense of direction.

I get a lot of DMs about this and my advice is always the same:

✍️Take the time to literally write out your desired “end state” lifestyle.

What does it look like?

WHAT would you do (and avoid doing)?
WHO would you be around?
WHERE would you be?

(Here's my list👇)

DO base your list on what brings YOU joy & energy (and what steals it).

DON’T base your list on OTHERS' definition of success.

You might be surprised at the results. Most people discover that their desired lifestyle doesn’t require as much $ as they assumed.

You might have noticed that my list doesn't include "drive a fancy car", "run a Fortune 500 company" or even "have a big social media following".

Those things are all great (and I may do them all!) but they're nice-to-haves, not critical ingredients to the life I want.

Deep inside most of us have the same basic desires and yet...

We put a ton of time and money into things that aren't on our lifestyle list—satisfying short term impulses rather than building toward our real ambition.

Once you’ve gone through this exercise you’re ready to:

3️⃣Prune your life

TRUTH BOMB:

💣You’ll never have a great life if you don’t learn to say no.

Whether you're broke or a billionaire, time is zero sum.

Each of us has the same 24 hours each day and spending time on one thing directly takes away from another.

Nobody can do more than 2 or 3 things with excellence and you’re not built different.

I'll use myself as an example:

Beyond work, climbing, & family I don't do much else.

Over the years—as I've gained financial freedom & control of my time—I've deliberately pruned my life to make room for more of the things I value most:

✂️I work from home—so I can be ever-present for family and avoid wasting hours each week commuting.

✂️I relocated to live 5 minutes from the rock—to pursue my passion without being gone for days at a time.

✂️I outsource time-consuming tasks I don’t enjoy (e.g. lawn care).

✂️I watch very little TV.

These are just a few examples. Pruning is a never-ended process but...

...the payoff is huge:

It quickly adds up to 10 or 20 hours reclaimed each week. Congrats, you solved your busyness problem!

(Note: I'm far from perfect. For example, I spend an embarrassing amount of time here on twitter—often at the expense of family time.)

Pruning will look different for everyone but know this:

It really is true that less is more.

Contrary to popular belief minimalism isn't about sacrifice—it's the exact opposite. It's about removing clutter to make room for MORE of the life you really want.

4️⃣Boundaries, not balance.

I dislike the term "work/life balance" because it implies trade-offs, settling for mediocrity.

I say:

DON'T seek balance, but DO set boundaries.

Working hard is a given—it's the only path to success & happiness—but remember this:

“Switching gears” helps you accomplish MORE, not less.

Whatever you do, do it with intensity and then step away to rest & recover or find inspiration through other pursuits.

This is where hustle pornsters have it all wrong👇

It’s not a matter of opinion—we know the ingredients for optimal human performance.

You’re not built different and there are no cheat codes.

Compromising critical factors like sleep & exercise is literally stealing from yourself.

It’s counter-productive and… just plain dumb.

Again, working hard is a given but those who build a multi-faceted life, set boundaries, and are deliberate about recovering from intense effort will:

—Do more work over time
—Do better work
—Be a lot happier along the way

The next two (5 & 6) are for folks with a spouse & kids. Having a family adds a lot of complexity to life but done right it can be a 1+1=3.

5️⃣Divide & conquer.

Marriage is more than just romance—it’s about building a life that is better together than apart.

As in business it’s best to have a partner with complimentary skills so you can divide & conquer. It’s different for everyone but for us it means:

💁‍♀️My wife focuses mostly inward on home & family
💁‍♂️I focus mostly outward on business & money
🤝We both think we got the better deal

I see a lot of young couples doing the opposite—they try to share all responsibilities equally.

IMO this is misguided—a recipe for never-ending busyness (and lots of arguments).

You’re equal partners but that doesn’t mean you should play the same roles.

A simple example of dividing & conquering:

In 25 years together my wife & I have spent almost no time talking about money. I’m the CFO and she trusts me with that responsibility.

Likewise, she’s the COO and I don't meddle in family ops.

It's weight off each of our shoulders.

Get the “business stuff” done as efficiently as possible and save your time together for more meaningful things like parenting, creative projects, and shared adventures.

The bottom line:

👉If you & your partner can't divide & conquer it’s hard to build a great life.

Related…

6️⃣Consider being a 1-job family.

This last one might be unpopular & old-fashioned but hear me out…

Before you 🙄 & think, "must be nice to be able to afford that" know this:

My wife & I made this decision over 20 years ago when we had a negative net worth and low-paying jobs.

We agreed early on that we'd rather have less money and more sanity.

In the early years it involved sacrifice: We lived in low-rent homes, drove beater cars, skipped exotic vacations, and didn’t purchase luxuries.

Sadly…

These days people seem to value luxury & status more than their time. They trade huge chunks of time for a lifestyle that looks great on Instagram but keeps them on the treadmill.

Remember, time is the ultimate luxury.

Here's a tangible example of time as luxury:

My wife has always been able to spend many hours each week planning and preparing great, healthy meals for the family. She enjoys it and it's a top priority for both of us—a huge key to quality of life (& health) for our family.

Living on one full-time income may not be possible for you right now but it can be a goal to work toward. TBH many couples could do it now but they fear the sacrifices involved.

I'd bet that the vast majority single-job couples with kids would say it's worth the sacrifice.

If you both have highly fulfilling careers and *want* to work full time maybe you embrace the insanity—but recognize that it comes with consequences.

But that's pretty rare—it’s not what most people want.

Also hear this:

Being the stay-at-home parent doesn't mean you can't seek intellectual stimulation, utilize your education & skills, or even make big money.

👉It simply means a job isn't the *primary organizing thing* in your life—the family is.

What a privilege!

Most people find that becoming a 1-job family pays off in unexpected ways:

—The primary wage earner becomes more effective
—New opportunities appear that weren’t visible before
—Everyone is happier! (what’s the $ value of that?)

I don't have all the answers but this is what has worked for my family. Take what works for you, ignore the rest!

TL;DR

1) Don't wait for someday
2) Define your ambition
3) Prune your life
4) Boundaries, not balance
5) Divide & conquer
6) Consider being a 1-job family

This 🧵 took a ton of thought & time to write.

If you got value from it I'd appreciate a like and retweet of the first tweet (below).

Follow me @camp4 for more on money, life, and rock climbing.